As a long-time biblical counselor in an active and growing church in the Pacific Northwest, I learned some extraordinary and practical lessons. Not only did these axioms provide insight into the daily ministry to brothers and sisters in Christ, but they also helped sustain me during the darkest storms of my life.
Listening to others’ problems communicates honor. As human beings, we tend to talk more than listen. Yet, if our motivation is to extend compassionate care to someone, it will require a degree of selflessness. When we patiently hear their story and ask meaningful questions, we acknowledge their value and worth by actively listening to their troubles.
Sometimes, we need to tell someone. The lion’s share of counseling appointments were one-time sessions. Sometimes, we just need another human being to hear what bothers us to help get those thoughts outside of our heads. As believers, we know that God is the One to whom we must speak foremost and that He alone is the great physician of our souls. What is also true is that God chooses to work through people. The staggering number of “one another’s” references in the Bible is a testament to the fact that Christianity is meant to be lived in a community. As we minister, we point people back to God as their unchangeable source of divine wisdom and comfort.
To receive forgiveness is the greatest need of humankind. James 5:16 (NLT) tells us to “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” There is healing in confessing wrongdoing on our part. Every person has hurt the heart of God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NIV) is a life-giving promise. We desperately need forgiveness, and that is only made possible through the cross of Christ. As we hear others’ confessions, we need to be mindful, as counselors, of our spiritual state before God and listen and respond humbly.
We need to be unshockable. One might think that in the environment of a church, congregants would be on their best behavior when speaking to someone on the pastoral staff. Not true. People are people wherever we go. We live and minister in a profoundly flawed and fallen world. When we think we have heard it all, we will probably hear worse. While ministering to someone who was a victim of deplorable acts or to someone who confesses to grievous actions, it is crucial to refrain from appearing shocked. In that moment, we must certainly call upon the Holy Spirit inwardly for help and guidance while maintaining our composure to be effective. Appearing shocked will shut people down. However, afterward, we also need to recognize that hearing hard things can impact our own well-being and be traumatizing. We need the comfort of the Lord and compassionate care from our own spiritual mentors to process these things in a healthy way. We are not designed to carry the worries of the world.
Sometimes, we just cry. The Biblical admonition in Romans 12:15 (NASB) is to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. No place is this more appropriate than in the church counseling office. While we will hear a great variety of human experiences, among them are heart-breaking occurrences where words need to be few. During these times, people may not need a theological explanation for why they are suffering. They do need the presence, compassion, and care of their minister. For example, I have often been on my knees, along with the counselee in my church office, crying out to God when a dearly loved teenager, young adult, or grandchild is in the throes of furious rebellion. We sometimes are at the end of our emotional rope to cope with many kinds of life issues. Tears, listening, and prayers to God are our weapons of spiritual warfare in those times.
The Bible truly is the book of hope. In times of deep distress, we need truth. Shallow responses and oft-spoken platitudes will do little to comfort our souls. Where we do find help is in the truths of God’s promises as communicated in the Bible. During the darkest days of my life, I searched diligently for the promises of God that spoke to my situation and clung to them with all my might. “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.; Joshua 1:9 (NLT)” held me together when I felt weak and helpless. “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” a promise found in Hebrews 13:5 (ESV), was life-giving to me when I felt all alone. Verses such as Philippians 4:19 (NLT), “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus,” meant the world to me when my financial security disappeared. Through personal experience, I found that God’s Word gave me hope when I needed it most. Sharing God’s promises with those we counsel communicates hope, and when times are tough, we need hope above all.